your parents love me but you hate me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
