Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
