After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
