What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
