Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
