I'm gonna have a badass scar
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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