ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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