Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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