apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Randomize
