no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
