Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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