porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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