jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Randomize
