Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
