and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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