I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize