Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
