I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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