Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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