What did we do last night that was yellow?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
