You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize