I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
