I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
