Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
