I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
