Are we in a gay sports bar?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
