Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
