he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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