I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize