Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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