I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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