he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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