she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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