I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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