dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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