It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
