he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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