Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
