i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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