the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i love accidental penises.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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