he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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