i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize