yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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