I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
