Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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