I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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