Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize