he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
