We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
