Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
