just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
