STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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