Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She bit a glass in half.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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