no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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