no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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