I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Couch. On fire.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
