I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize