I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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