I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
