I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
