well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
