dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
