i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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