And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i will never coherently bang her
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
