last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
