we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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