i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
