I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
