Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
