my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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