I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
