My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your penis caused this!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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