so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
