I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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