Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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