he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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