the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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