Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
