So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
