I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
