shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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