Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
