uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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