i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
