she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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