I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
