I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
