toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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