Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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